Friday, September 19, 2008

Here we go again

Can't do this much longer. I slept for over 14 hours between Thursday evening and Friday afternoon and I had to get up at 4am to drink vinegar to stop my stomach from burning, and had awful dreams - in which no one in the office could do anything right. The area where I had shingles in February stirs suspiciously sometimes, I have noticed. What's more, a couple of other biological rhythms have been knocked out of sync despite a full moon last week.

Judging by the expressions I saw on her face, the trainer who came one day this week to observe was appalled. She has a lot of talking to do with the consultant. I still don't expect things to improve much, although the second new assistant and I are learning to cooperate and help each other. The first new assistant, who has years of experience, left after the first week...

I can work hard and I always do my best, but I can't work relentlessly under both physical and mental pressure, all day, every day. When everyone is frequently put into a flying panic, there is no way you can do it right.

Bottom line is, I chose the wrong office. I just wanted to stop relying on my father's help.

It's funny, I thought I did enough whining before. I actually like this city and don't want a repeat of last year.


I have to thank Beginning Here for the lovely encouraging card that came in the mail this morning! It really cheered me up. Thank you Ms A, so sweet of you!


Do you like the new layout? I noticed Blogger has so many exciting new features and widgets, and my custom layout was getting old and unwieldy, so I decided to return to the provided templates, choosing black to offset my oft-posted photographs.



Christopher said...

Wishing you nothing but happiness. My dear, if you are sleeping like this all the time and feeling ill, you are putting yourself into a depression and you are allowing it to control you. Come on, YOU CAN BEAT IT! Just push up those boobs, hold your head high, and persevere until something better comes along. You are allowing it to control you, this job, this funk, and it is something you can beat!

Anonymous said...

Heeeey, I'm liking this new cleaner layout! I miss your historical stuff and word-of-the-day on the side bar, but the new format is terrific. Even has the first few words of your blogger friend posts.

As far as the job goes, I think it's time you found something more suitable. One that lets you, y'know, breathe while you work. So I'm praying that something good will come your way.

Hugs :-)

Olivia said...

Thank you Kissy! You're awesome.

*deep breath, head up* I need that to drag myself in tomorrow!


Nikki - I thought of you when I changed the layout today because I knew you most of all would miss the old sidebar - I remember that the last time I threatened to remove or modify it you nearly campaigned to keep it :)

Thank you - I job searched today but ran out of time to apply. I kept the tabs open and will try again tomorrow night and Sunday of course.

Guyana-Gyal said...

Olivia, oh dear, oh dear.

I have this belief that such sacrifices should be made only for [1] people you love [2] a profession / career / occupation you love [3] a goal you're after.

I used to work super hard for tv but I thoroughly enjoyed it, it was fun rather than work.

A typical Guyanese would take her pappa's help [we're shameless, aren't we?] and search for another job.

Your new 'look' hasn't fully downloaded on my slow pooter as yet so I don't know what's there, what's missing...but anyway, I just want you to eat and sleep properly...I tend to get low sugar problems too, shaky, angry, my eyes get cloudy, everything gets dark.

I hope you find a really nice job soon.

When turnover of staff is high, it says something...

Guyana-Gyal said...

How do you manage to look so chirpy with glowing skin even though you're stressed out?

Guyana-Gyal said...

Oh, silly moi...those were pre-dentist days...

The Moody Minstrel said...

Are those kinds of labor conditions even legal??!? I mean...I remember during one of my college-era summer jobs when I worked as a temp and got assigned to a factory for two full months (I guess they liked me when my two-week subbing job was done, so they asked the temp firm to keep me there till the end of my summer holidays) I was more or less FORCED to take regular breaks even when I didn't want to. I was told that the law was very specific about such things.

You're too young to self-destruct!

Palm Springs Savant said...

I DO like your new layout, very dramatic Olivia.

Now, about your health- I do hope you'll try to take it easy on yourself, mentally and physically. Life is too short!

meimei said...

you know that I love you sweetie, I want you to be happy.

I think you need to find a better job, one that doesn't make you tired or stress

Mark said...

Hi - I like the new layout. End of the day you provide great content, so things will always work ok on here. Sorry to hear the job isn't going so well. You should always put your health first - you won't be able to do any job if you seriously endanger your health. Hope you can sort out a happy medium. Lots of luck, Mark

Anonymous said...

Jobs can do it to you, can't they? I'm even more sorry to hear, that it's affecting your sleep. Not good at all! Ever try, a dream sachet? They're filled with sweet smelling herbs, like lavender and patchouli. Drink some herbal tea, before you lay down to sleep, and see what it does for you.

beginninghere said...

Liv - your new layout is very nice. At first I thought I had gone to someone else's blog by mistake! But no, it is dear Olivia's. As for the pressure cooker of a job, there is no reason to try to "beat it" in my opinion. You have responsible habits, a good work ethic, and have given it everything you've got. Thanks for the mention :)

Flighty said...

I like this layout!
You clearly realise that you can't continue working there without becoming ill, and I'm sure that you don't want shingles again. It's clearly no fault of yours that you want to, indeed must, find another job.
Take care, and hugs! xx

Um Naief said...

i feel for you... can only imagine what it's like working under this type of stress. i used to do day in and day out at a consulting company, then again when i got my first 'real' job in bahrain, and, after it's over and done with, you wonder what made you do all of that and put yourself under so much stress, when life is too short. actually, when thinking about it, i've had many jobs that are like what you're describing... i only wish you weren't having to deal w/ it because it only pulls your body down, your emotional state down, everything....

means something when someone quits after just a week. i did the same w/ this job i had... i think it's a wise move when you see that something isn't right to just walk away. and remember... you made it... you are living where you want to live and you were able to find a job. now... if you want to leave there and if you need your father's help to find another... then so be it. it's ok. thankfully you have a dad that can help w/ such things. i wish i had one to fall back on when i needed it coz there's so many times when i need just that. it doesn't mean you're less of a person because of it. you're smart, really smart, fun, beautiful, a great friend... so why let yourself work in an environment that's pulling you down?!!

Um Naief said...

oh yeah, love the new layout! and your new profile pic!! i'm sending you tons of hugs too!

meimei said...

oh and I like the new look

Olivia said...

Hey everyone - thanks for so many comments! I really appreciate it.


Guyana Gyal - yep, dad is still helping. In fact, I suspect that via our text messaging yesterday he gave me permission to resign but I didn't because it wasn't a bad day, plus with this economy...and when you have a job it's easier to find one...


Minstrel - it's not fair that the vet's practice has downtimes where the staff get to eat and catch up with stuff they can't do when patients are in the waiting room...

By law we should get a half hour for lunch, for every 4 hours we work (something like that), so it is on the schedule but it's not enforced - we just have to take it when we can, and it's usually much less than a half hour.


Rick - thank you. I am going to try. The other assistant and I are very good at gauging each other's levels and we are learning to spell each other for lunch. Still, it's not long since sometimes he wants us both there to see something.


Mich - thank you sweetie. I hope your knee is improving.


Mark - I'm glad you think so well of my blog. Thanks for the good wishes also.


Diva Fluff - I have heard of you through Kissy - thanks for visiting. I currently use a fig and lavender body spray for bed time. Perhaps the herbal tea I should go for is the fortifying immune system type :)


Um Naief - I always love your words, it's as though you know me so well. I've started looking for something else though it is hard to stay awake to do it!

I know what you mean - once I get out I will look back and wonder why I did it. At the same time I hope I will come out stronger. Basically, I don't want to create a long-term negative impact for my body, so this is why I must change things.

Thank you for the hugs.


Anonymous said...

First - I like the layout (I've always had a thing for black though, so maybe I'm showing a little bias there ? :) ) it does work well with the photos - and I like the little sidebar thing (even if the old sidebar has gone; sometimes a change is as good as a rest...)

speaking of rest... it sounds like you're not getting enough (or you wouldn't be sleeping so long; whenever I'm out of sorts I always notice that I seek refuse within my sheets) - your dreams sound reflective of the environment you're in at the moment; do they show or suggest a solution, or are they just replaying the day over and over, the way dreams sometimes do?

I think the reaction of the trainer (who came in the week) says an awful lot; and is good (I believe) that they had that reaction - it means "it's not you" (or the first assistant who left); I guess the question is, is "when will it get better?" ( I know you say you don't expect them to improve much; it sounds like there might be a scheduling issue - a case of them trying to cram as many people in during the day as they can; which is never a good thing because the workers suffer "All work and no play" (or break) and all that)

(lots of hugs)
take care there, you are a good, strong worker and there are many, many places that would appreciate your qualities and talents so much more, and treat you so much better

Oliver said...

I'd jump ship while the going is good, Olivia.

You cannot put a price on your peace of mind.

I have walked from a couple of shite jobs, CNN included, and something better always comes along.

meimei said...

I agree with Oliver! You have to think of yourself!

My knee is improving...


6 weeks and I may be able to work again

Pete said...

Hi Liv,

Sorry to hear how things are going in the new office, I hope that you can find a better alternative quickly, fiscal independance isn't worth making yourself ill over


AmitL said...

Hi,Olivia-oh,wow-how did you do that?14 hrs of sleep?I always,err,dream of doing that,to put it mildly.:)Re. burning stomach-simple advice-increase your intake of 'natural foods'-fruits,cucumber,carrot,radish,etc.And,reduce the burgers/fries/cokes/??Hope the biological rhythms return to normalcy very soon!
**When everyone is frequently put into a flying panic, there is no way you can do it right.**
How true- I have the same experience in panic situations,if they occur at work-even I tend to get nervous,and look for an easy way out.
Query-do you need to plan your work,early in the morning,and,then,work your plan?It might help.I tried it,and,now it's a routine for me!!
Hey,wow-you started using the new blogger layout?Me too!Plan to begin using more,tomorrow.Do drop by sometime.:)

Olivia said...

Mas - I am going to have to come back to you blog, if you are blogging at the moment. I missed your comments and you were away for such a long time, so welcome back!

Yes, I need to get out, and what's more, I am not earning enough.


Oliver - I'm sorry to hear you had an awful job at CNN.

I know every job is stressful to a point but some are easier to control I suppose...


Mich - so are you still going to do the physiotherapy course?


Pete - fiscal independence, my foot. I've just looked at my account and am earning half what I need to survive without Dad's help...OUCH!


Amit - actually I only eat burgers and fries once or twice a year for a treat and don't even have one Pepsi per month. I usually eat quite healthily including lots of fiber, no sugar, lots of green tea, etc, but sometimes it plays up anyway - has done for years. Turns out I may have low stomach acid which often mimics the symptoms of excess acid...which is why vinegar works so much better than antacids...

Christopher said...

You're one of the most talented dames out there in the world! Chin up and don't give in!

Christopher said...

If your tummy is bothering you, a tried and true remedy: marijuana! Just spark up a doobie and kiss tummy troubles goodbye. It sure helps me with my HIV meds!

Anonymous said...

Hi there - it is good to be back, and I missed popping by, reading your adventures and leaving my comments; it was mostly "a lack of time" to blame; I'm trying to make a few moments once or twice a week to catch up - sometimes though, I just don't know where the day goes.
Have a good weekend

Oh - I am kindof-blogging at the moment, not quite in the same way as I used to; again, partly down to time, partly down to other things that'll I'll not go into right now; feel free to pop by anytime - you're always welcome!