Friday, August 31, 2007

Wibbling in the wee hours


It's 1am but I am not asleep. I was sleepy earlier, but I have always been a rebel against "getting ready for bed" and "going to bed" because although I like sleeping, I can always find something else to do to delay it.

So what am I doing?

I am eating a crunchy Indian snack (ridiculously spicy for the hour), with water, and it will be followed by an apple.

And through the wonders of Facebook, I'm also discovering that someone I recently met knows someone I have known for a while, who in turn knows people who went to uni with someone I have known for my whole life! (a girl at the office -> a fellow blogger -> her mates -> my childhood friend)


On Saturday I have a family birthday to attend. Fortunately it starts and ends early, so I will have time to go to the Aussie house-leaving party.

On Sunday, it's the birthday of a family friend in Richmond and the weather looks marvellous...

On Monday I have an interview with an art dealer in Mayfair for a temp booking. Yes, finally, the arts world...


My work was commended a few times at the office today. Made my day, really.


Saturday-Sunday update

Woah, it wasn't a BBQ, it was lunch at a Peruvian restaurant. There were 15 of us and we were there for 4 hours! There was a lot of potato on the menu, as that's where the stuff originates. Also, sweet potato and corn, ditto. Quite a bit of plantain and cassava too, which I thought were more Caribbean produce.

Most outstanding was the chili salsa which they served up in little bowls on the side - reddish orange, with cilantro and who knows what else, but it was the most unique chili sauce I have ever tasted. Sort of fruity, and the burn is hearty but short.

The plates of fried plantain slices kept coming, like baskets of rolls in American restaurants. I ordered a plate of seafood (squid, octopus, cod, mussels) marinated in lime and chili, which comes with roasted corn kernels, fresh corn, and sweet potato. But when I discovered how delicious the plantain was slathered with the chili, I stuffed my face with that and left the seafood!!!

In fact, when the waitress discovered how much I loved the chili, she sent some home with me.

Also, my mother and I were the only people who drank cocktails, and we chose the ones containing the Peruvian liquor pisco. Nice buzz :)

At the end, though, they gave us on the house the national drink of Peru: Pisco Sour, which is pisco, lime juice, sugar syrup, angostura bitters, and egg white froth dusted with cinammon.

And there was a nice rotisserie pit in the garden terrace where 4 juicy chickens were sizzling and browning. *drool*. My cousin took one of those chickens home and when they were eating it later on she texted me to say how yummy it was. Even though I was still full, I would have eaten some right then if I could have!


So my mother went home and I headed off to the Aussie houseleaving party. As soon as I got to the top of the stairs and before [Mr Gorgeous Eyes] could greet me, my mobile rang and it was my mother: "I haven't got my keys." The concierge couldn't let her in, so she waited on the rooftop terrace, and then got chilly and moved into the lobby, and I arrived two hours later.

As they were such nice people, I stayed for an hour and ended up meeting another art history grad and then I shot back home. Mr GE wanted me to go back after letting my mother in, but that would mean a day's total travel time of 4 hours, and that's if I stayed overnight with the others. You can drive 200 miles in that time, like between Dallas and Houston plus a bit further! But on London public transport, it takes about an hour to go 6 miles.


By the way: What sensation do you have when you miss someone? Sinking feeling in the pit of the stomach? Floaty sensation in the arms? The latter is the weirdest.


And finally, some Greek-Cypriot dancing, the Tatsia, or sieve dance.

OPA! That really is a scythe and there really are drinks in there! I first saw this at the Greek Festival Houston and it blew me socks off. Well, most Greek dancing does. I promise to get you all hooked. ;)

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Je suis bleue

I stuffed 580 envelopes today. It only took a couple of hours and then I was back to usual admin, but I think too much when I perform monotonous tasks like this. My mind runs into all sorts of thoughts.

Nearly 600 envelopes...!
I did not spend tens of thousands of dollars on my degrees for this!


Took a nifty personality test the other day. Voila, my results:


Blues are composed and observant. Others trust them to see the whole
picture, and respect their judgement as a result. They are reflective,
and proud of the difference their mind can make. Thriving on the
challenge of new experiences, they push themselves to learn new skills
and take pride in what they do.

In the [...] these kind of people are relied upon as calm and
purposeful thinkers in vital behind the scenes roles as much as in
action. And in a world of increasing complexity they are needed more
than ever.


Your View of Your Life Now

You and your friends like to hang out together enjoying good food and
conversation. You respect each other's opinion - they are probably the
first port of call when you need advice. It seems that you are happy to
take control, you enjoy making decisions and discover new things.
Exercise to you is about much more than pounding on a treadmill. You
have a holistic approach to health and your well-being, and are more
comfortable with alternative forms of exercise that fit in with your
lifestyle. When you can you catch up with your nearest and dearest. You
love to talk and your friends mean a lot to you - you will always go to
them for advice. Given your choices you seem to appreciate creativity
or are even creative yourself. You have a distinctive view of the world
that you want to capture, you benefit from having a sharp and
discerning eye. You like the security of day-to-day routine, whilst
working in an environment that challenges and interests you. Ambition
is what drives you, and there are many paths you could take.

Your View of Your Future

Being free to explore the world is the freedom you appreciate most. You
are not ready to settle in one spot just yet - you want to go see and
experience as many cultures as you can. Spirituality is an essential
part of your character, you have a strong sense of morals and look for
guidance when you are in difficult situations. You can see yourself
reaching great heights. With a little perseverance and determination,
you’ll get there. You learn best by discovering things for yourself.
You like to be able to share knowledge, and get the results together.
You like to live life in the fast lane, and are always up for a
challenge. You fill your free time with risk-taking and excitement.
Satisfaction comes from being part of something distinctive and
innovative. Employers would value your dedication and passion for your
work. You are a high achiever and tend not to settle for second place.
You push yourself to be the best. In the next few years you'd like to
be on your way up. You've got a lot to offer and you look forward to
gaining some recognition. It’s good to know you can rely on the
unconditional love your best friend gives you. You can trust them to
lend a listening ear and support when you need it. Everyone sees you as
cool, calm and serene. Your balanced character is definitely an
attraction. There’s a part of you that’s keen to escape to un-chartered
territory. The mystery of the unknown is appealing to you, and with
your inquisitive nature, who knows where your next adventure will lead

Monday, August 27, 2007

Getting Acquainted

What I did this weekend:

Late Summer BBQ


Newly discovered fellow blogger Jessica has challenged us to a meme. I think it has done the rounds on email for a few years and has finally reached the blogosphere.

Getting Acquainted

1. What time did you get up this morning?
11.30 am. Hey, it's a holiday here today.

2. Diamonds or pearls?
I prefer pearls, even though diamonds are my birthstone. Of course, you can't wear pearls to a ball. And I think it's amazing that diamonds are always cooler than the ambient temperature.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Ocean's 13 - I know, way back in June.

4. What's your favorite TV show?
Tie between CSI, House, Ugly Betty, or Doctor Who

5. What did you have for breakfast?
The last slice of brown bread toasted, with peanut butter and strawberry jam, and then a couple of oat and honey biscuits.

6. What's your favorite cuisine?
Depends on the mood - Chinese, Thai, Indian, Tex-Mex, or American

7. What foods do you dislike?
Spanish, boiled vegetables, liver

8. What is your favorite chip flavor?
Doritos (with queso of course)

9. What's your favorite CD at the moment?
Not one, but see my last post, FYI.

10. What kind of car do you drive?
Sorry to say, nothing anymore (or yet...) but I used to have a silver plum Saturn SL2.

11. Favorite sandwich?
BLT, or cheddar cheese and ploughman's pickle.

12. What characteristics do you despise?
Dishonesty, insincerity, fickleness, rudeness, insensitivity

13. Favorite item of clothing?
I don't have one at the moment.

14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go?
Ooh, either Greece or Thailand.

15. What color is your bathroom(s)?
Sand and blue/aqua (no, we don't have 3 bathrooms, this is all in one)

16. Favorite brand of clothing?
Not really faithful but I am partial to a bit of Ralph Lauren and Calvin Klein. I often find with surprise that quite often at least one item on me is one or the other. Also have a lot of H&M, and Principles.

17. Where would you retire to: beach, or wooded retreat?
Wooded retreat - I love forest sounds, smells and sights

18. Favorite time of the day?

19. What were your most memorable birthdays?
When I was a child I would have a birthday dinner in April when I was born, and a birthday party in midsummer June when I was supposed to be born. Friends came over, we ate snacks and ice cream, played in the garden, maybe there was an entertainer, everyone gathered round for the cake, and either Anthony or Christopher, my two oldest boy friends would be at my side to give a birthday kiss on the cheek after I blew the candles out.

20. Where were you born?
In London at Queen Charlotte's Hospital

21. Favorite sport to watch?
Tennis or various winter Olympics

22. Who do you least expect to send this back to you?
Lots of people

23. Person you expect to send it back first?
I don't know!

24. What fabric detergent do you use?
Surf and Persil, but they have to smell good. I spend ages sniffing and deciding.

25. Were you named after anyone?
Not officially, though I do have a few Icelandic ancestors called Olaf (m) and Olave (f)

26. Do you wish on stars?
I wish I did! I prefer to stare at them.

27. When did you last cry?
Oh, it's been too long. When I went to Dallas to say goodbye to my Gran in March. Another is definitely overdue (yep, still).

28. Do you like your handwriting?
I am rather proud of it, and enjoy writing. Love watching the letters form on the page.

29. What is your most embarrassing flaw?
Physically? Flat as a pancake.
Personally? I'm a bit nerdy.

30. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you?
Yes, if I wanted loyalty, but not if I were looking for the life of the party.

31. Are you a daredevil?
Unfortunately, no.

32. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell?
Yes, but it was to a stranger who couldn't tell anyone I know.

33. Do looks matter?
Yes, instinctively, though they have to be paired with a respectable brain.

34. How do you release anger?
I snap and shout; yes, the psychology major does not practise sublimation or deep breathing, shame on her.

35. Where is your second home?
I don't even have a first home anymore. I have lots of stopovers around the world, will that do?

36. What were your favorite toys as a child?
My cars and my Dad's DESMOND (Digital Electronics Set Made of Nifty Devices). Oh my gosh, I hope we haven't given it away...I used to open the manuals and follow the experimental exercises for hours on end.
Can you tell, those careers I nearly went into really do suit me!

37. What class in high school do you think was totally useless?
I was happy with all of them....nerd....

38. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
I don't know. Depends on my mood or who I am with.

39. Favorite movies?
Oh noooo. Amelie, Pride & Prejudice, The Matrix trilogy, all the Austin Powers, Amadeus, Immortal Beloved, Metropolis, Jean de Florette/Manon des Sources, Apollo 13, Gladiator, and so many more.

40. What are your nicknames? Liv, Livvy, Livsy, Livsylou

41. Would you bungee jump?

42. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
Yes, though I only have one lace-up pair

43. Do you think that you are strong?
Sometimes surprisingly so for someone with my slight build

44. What's your favorite ice cream flavor?
Wall's Cornish (UK) or Haagen Dasz choc choc chip (US)

45. What are your favorite colors?
various shades of blue-green

46. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?
Sensitivity that runs too deep. I'm working on it...

47. Who do you miss the most?
My dad

48. Do you want everyone you sent this to send it back?
Of course :)

49. What color pants are you wearing?
Um, if this is American and you mean trousers, then black.
If this is British and you mean undies, then pink.

50. What are you listening to right now?
My mother has popped in a Santana CD...

51. Last thing you ate?
Blue Sapphire tea and dark chocolate digestive biscuits

52. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

53. Last person you talked to on the phone?

54. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Eyes, whole face, smile - all in a split second as you do

55. Favorite Drink?
English breakfast tea with milk and brown sugar

56. Do you wear contacts?
No, nor glasses

57. Favorite Day of the Year?
One day? Impossible. The month of April in Texas.

58. Scary Movies or Happy Endings?
Happy Endings :)

59. Hugs OR Kisses?
Hugs, since there is a dearth of kisses

60. What Is Your Favorite Dessert?
custard, apple sauce and almond paste pie (Mum's invention)

61. What Book(s) Are You Reading?
Next, by that genius Michael Crichton and my second reading of Vanity Fair by William Thackeray

62. What's On Your Mouse Pad?
Haven't got one, just a laptop touchpad

63. What Did You Watch Last night on TV?
I don't think I watched any. If I did, it was fuzzy/black and white and therefore not memorable.

64. Favorite Smells?
An egg frying in butter. SJP Lovely and Elizabeth Arden Green Tea. Jasmine, camellia, roses. Fresh baked bread. My bunny Lulu's cheek. The smoke from a match after you blow it out. A thunderstorm.

65. Rolling Stones or Beatles?
The Beatles all the way, baby

Now, if you have not done yourself in with boredom, I invite you to join in and let me know when I can come by and read it!

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Give me

Muse again...

BLISS - Origin of Symmetry, 2001

Or Watch Here

Everything about you is how I wanna be

Your freedom comes naturally

Everything about you resonates happiness

Now I won't settle for less

Give me all the peace and joy in your mind

Everything about you pains my envying

Your soul can't hate anything

Everything about you is so easy to love

They're watching you from above

Give me all the peace and joy in your mind

I want the peace and joy in your mind

Give me the peace and joy in your mind

Everything about you resonates happiness

Now I won't settle for less

Give me all the peace and joy in your mind

I want the peace and joy in your mind

Give me the peace and joy in your mind


Since hearing this song some weeks ago, I now have the whole collection and my list of favourites has grown longer. Thing I hate about being a girl is that when you share music with someone special, the memory of them lingers with the sound for too long after they are gone. You know?


HYPER MUSIC - Origin of Symmetry, 2001

Or Watch Here


SUNBURN - Showbiz, 1999

Or Watch Here

Monday, August 20, 2007

Language experience

My body is here. My mind and heart are elsewhere. It's a strange feeling. Have you felt it before?


My japanese name is 長谷川 Hasegawa (long valley river) 久美子 Kumiko (eternal beautiful child).

Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.


I was on the phone with my mobile phone/broadband provider the other day, and the service rep was giving me a post code: S63 5ZX, or as he said: Sierra six three, five Zulu X-ray. I repeated, as you do: Ess six three, five Zee X.

He said, "Zee? Are you American?" In a teasing tone of voice, at which I burst into a peal of laughter because I had already caught my mistake!

I replied in the negative (though technically I am), but that I had lived there for a long time, so he said he'd let me off that time. :)

Honestly, though, I do still say "zee" in my head...


I have a job interview at a picture library on Wednesday, and a two-week temp booking at a risk assessment firm next week.

Thursday, August 16, 2007


This is something I will not be posting on the other blog...too many British readers. But I'll have to tell them sometime...

At my current level of determination, before another year is out, my blog may be renamed.
Here are a few possibilities:


New York Nibbles
Washington Posts (no not really, I'd probably be sued)
Wilmington Wibblings
Baltimore Blabber
Asheville Articulations
Richmond Ramblings
or even
Houston Highlights

Recent events have re-inspired me to all that I wanted before I came back to the UK, only now I have a Master's degree and more work experience.
I have once again turned my eyes to the mid-Atlantic states, and maybe a bit of New England, followed by some other reasonable possibilities.
Not the midwest or the far northeast or the southwest. Can't stand bad snow and slush, or sand and bone-dry air, or being more than a few hours from coastline, for some reason.

After a 4-year hiatus, my resume is back up on the federal jobs networks...
Amongst other suggestions, I'm also trawling through a New York arts related job site sent to me last year by my friend Denise.

To my American readers: If you have any more suggestions, please feel free to advise!


Seeing as I've been so reminiscent lately, all the jobs I ever wanted to do since I can remember have returned unbidden to my mind. When I was really little, my mother says I was noncommittal. My first memory of wanting to be something was probably in 9th grade (age 15). So let's start there and work our way up:

--translator at the UN - I studied French from grade 8-12 and then some in university
--palaeontologist - as above, love doing fiddly things
--dentist - fiddly things + people
--veterinarian - always rescuing animals
--doctor - attended the Young Explorers program at the local hospital but the prospect of not sleeping for 3 years of residency put me right off

By the end of high school I was even more intense, concentrating on the sciences and considering these things:

--joining the Navy, and the Nuclear Power Program tried really hard to recruit me. I had to beg my mother on this one, though. And I wished I had joined the ROTC when I'd had the chance, instead of sitting there envying them...

When I started college with a science concentration, I worked in the biotech lab and thought I was going to become a researcher in the Houston Advanced Research Center, or at one of the many biotech firms in The Woodlands' Research Forest. I remember when the Navy-funded lab there discovered how to grow skin grafts in a dish using only one sample so that burn victims could receive their own skin. That was exciting stuff back then.

Other things I considered:
--NIH or CDC epidemiologist or something at the armed forces institute
--attending the officer training academy after a degree

At university, I soon put aside biology studies in favour of psychology until in the middle of it I realised I didn't want to be a psychologist; nevertheless, here's that list:
--organisational psychologist
Then my dad got excited about me getting into military psy ops. It was the only thing he ever nearly told me to do.

Returning to type, here was the most interesting phase I reached during my last two years of university, and I actually applied:

--all of the government and military agencies and subsidiaries which are best left unnamed
--foreign affairs officer/specialist with the Dept of State
Suffice to say, I started an International Studies minor and on one application, got to the last stage of examinations and testing before training began, and they said I should try again!
--forensic pathologist (took a criminal justice class and researched grad programs, some with stipends)
--Oh, and I nearly got into one of the NASA programs but while they could accept me taking final exams during orientation, my going off to London for my cousin's first baby was one delay too many. They were right, and I wish I had cancelled.

After graduation, working with the Houston school district psych services, I remember looking at jobs in NYC for:
--editorial assistant
--publishing house graduate training programs
And then art history jumped up and slapped me in the face and I opted for a grad degree in it, which pleased my parents, and let me tell you, they never, ever tried to make me be anything, which is probably why my list of career possibilities is so long and frustrating.

You've got to wonder why I have so often tended towards "serving my country"...

And why it has been stirred up once more by someone I need not name (American Boy), someone who mirrors so much of what I wanted to be before I came here. Added to that, the other signs are rife! I have psyched myself up to this for a couple of years, and this summer finally tipped me over...

To my English friends this sudden about-face seems against my type (the type they know), but to me it is a return to origins. In the States, I had grown up to believe a woman can do anything. I just put it aside when I returned to London and I became the English girl again. By all appearances, I had returned to my roots.

But I have now reached the point where I don't care to impress myself or anyone else with how posh and cosmopolitan we are darling. Now I just want genuine people who take me as I am, no judging, who make me laugh from the inside out, who let me be myself. I want a good finger lickin' barbecue with friends, and the option of running off for the occasional sushi and symphony downtown. I want accomplishment without pretence, success without snobbiness.

Do you know what I mean?

I knew my 30th year would be a year of change. I had no idea how much. I've heard this happens to people as they age, though.

Now, how can I compromise? Being a social/cultural chameleon is soooo tiring...

Monday, August 13, 2007

50 Things

Not sure if I've done this before, but thank you Christopher for this diversion:

1. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?
Yeeeeees...*sigh* It feels sort of protective.

2. A big poofy dress or a short party dress?
A short classy party dress, seeing as I am not going to a 1980s prom anytime soon.

3. What would you do if you received a long love letter?
A letter? What is that? :P

4. Group dates or single dates?
I like both very much!

5. Do you hate it when guys act different around their friends?
I don't hate it, but it certainly is eye-opening and shows a different aspect of someone.

6. Are diamonds a girl's best friend?
They are my birth stone, but find them somewhat boring. I prefer opals.

7. Is your hair up or down?
As it is short, it is neither.

8. Do you straighten your hair?
No, I love my curls.

9. Whats your favorite girly magazine?
I don't really have one, but at the salon I like to skim through Vogue, and another one whose name escapes me.

10. What's your favorite mascara?
No.7 Natural Definition you get your nails done?
Sorry to say, I don't. They are healthy and flexible so cannot take polish of any kind. Sometimes I buff to a high shine - perfect substitute for flaky varnish.

12. Small or large purse?
Depends on the outing. Usually a medium, but I have an awesome big Calvin Klein bag in tobacco leather, perfect for overnighting, that seems to swallow things whole, and yet nothing gets lost. I regularly waste time rummaging in much smaller bags!

13. In your purse, what are your must haves?
Wallet, keys, travel card, pen, notebook, mints, Burts Bees tinted lip balm and Ted Baker lip gloss, mirror, handkerchief

14. Jeans or skirts?
More often jeans because it's raining, and it's not usually hot enough for skirts here. You could count on the fingers of both hands the number of times I have worn a skirt this year in London.

15. Do you wear clothes/shoes/jewelry that's uncomfortable?
No, I am like the princess and the pea. Can't stand discomfort. As I have weak ankles, stilettos are out, but classic or kitten heels are fine.

16. Do you text message a lot?
In the UK, it is the only way. People text so much, you have to make an appointment for a phone call, and for the first time in my life I feel guilty for calling someone out of the blue!

17. What would you do if you got pregnant?
I just wouldn't. OK, but if I did, I'd keep it.

18. What's your favorite color?
Shades of blue-green

19. Heels or flats?
Walking in London requires flats. I have a good selection of comfortable driving moccassins. I have worn heels out on a normal day and ended up stepping home like a cat in a puddle.

20. Did you ever cry during a romantic movie?
Nearly. Would have if I were alone.

21. Would you ever leave the house without make-up on?
No way.

22. Walmart or Target?
I love Target! I wish they would open a Target here just for me!

23. Do you wear collared shirts?
No, they overpower my little neck.

24. Do you like preppy boys?
If this is referring to their fashion sense, then yes.

25. Are you spoiled?
Probably, so I seem to have slipped somewhat, because I rarely got what I wanted when I was younger. Now, I buy myself something after every interview, as a treat. That's a bit spoilt if you ask me.

26. Do you think lip gloss is the best?
Yes, I have awful lips but Ted Baker lipgloss is the one that is best absorbed and lasts for hours, even half a day. I also like the menthol tingle it gives on first application.

27. Do you own any big sunglasses?
Not the chunky half-face ones out now. Mine are medium recent classic shapes.

28. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
For a day at work, about two hours unrushed - this includes breakfast of course.

29. Do you like to wear bandaids?
No, not even when I've cut myself, unless it's really bad.

30. Do you like skater boys?
No, not preppy enough, haha!

31. Do you often wish there was something you could change about yourself?
Yes, I'd give myself a more laid back personality.

32. Gold or silver?
Silver. I don't like the colour of gold, and it looks so cheap nowadays.

33. Do you like to receive flowers?
Yes, I don't get nearly enough.

34. Do you like surfer boys?
See answer to skater boys, although surfers may be the lesser of two evils.

35. Do you dress up for the holidays?
What, in a tiny Mrs Santa Claus dress? It's usually too cold for that around here.

36. Do you like to wear dresses?
I do when it's hot, but we've had no summer :(

37. On a scale of 1-10 how much do guys confuse you?
Oh dear, probably about 7.

38. In the last 48 Hours have you hung out with a guy?
Wrong week to ask me that. No. I might next week, though.

39. Do you wear lipstick?
No, only tint and gloss.

40. Would you date a guy shorter than you?
Goodness no.

41. What is the youngest you would date?
I don't know. I don't usually go for younger in any way, but I have been pursued by a 21 year old (no thanks), and American Boy is 27, which I didn't know when we met.

42. What is the oldest you would date?
I once met an interested 35 year old, but as I look so young, I doubt I'd go for anyone over that.

43. What do you notice when you first meet a guy?
Eyes, smile, voice, how they look at you, hands

44. Is it hot when guys sweat?
Well, they certainly don't sweat when it's cold, do they? :P
OK, OK. Depends what they are doing when they are sweating! ;)

45. What is the best possible feature in a boy?
I cannot decide.

46. Do you like making eye contact?
Yes, but a bit shyly.

47. Did you ever picture your wedding dress and wedding?
Did I? Maybe a long time ago...

48. Do you worry about your boobs?
You mean, the ones that aren't there?

49. Would you kill for chocolate?
What sort of a stupid question is that. Of course I would....n't.

50. Did you ever spend all day/night getting pretty for a guy?
ALL day? What can possibly need doing that takes that long? So no!

51. On a scale from 1-10 how fun is shopping?
Ah, it was a 7 or 8 until I moved and had to furnish a house, and now I am totally off it for the foreseeable future.

52. Do you freak out if you miss your favorite shows?
I am slightly disappointed but I learn to let go. I miss Lost, but may catch it on reruns or something.

53. Do you yell a lot?
I am very soft-spoken, but have been known to be snappy, specially these past few weeks.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

Hello dear readers,

Still feeling a bit down. Fed up of being fed up, etc. Still need to cry out the past month's stress and disappointment, but still oddly detached from it all.

Had an informal chat with my new consultant at one of my best agencies this morning. Bright and early at 9am. It took me nearly an hour and a half to get to Sloane Square from Harrow on the Hill. I spent so long in the train I felt a bit sick...that's a new one. I now dread daily commutes from here. Every creak and lurch of that damn Metropolitan line, and the way it lurks and hides in dark tunnels, and stops in the middle of nowhere for minutes on end...ugh.

So, 75 minutes en route for a 15 minute conversation, which fortunately looks like it will bear fruit, as she had some good permanent positions in mind. Plus after lunch, another called to reserve me for a company that asked for me specifically. Took a bit of reminding, but I remember who they are! How flattering. It's the insurance company where I was handing them back the completed work five minutes before they gave it to me.

So I had two hours to kill before my last lunch with American Boy. I walked slooooowly up Sloane Street, up Knightsbridge to Hyde Park Corner, then along Park Lane, shunning the memory of walking with him there on a couple of warm June evenings; from there down a side street, I was following my nose and ended up, ironically, on Grosvenor Square (America haunts me!). So, I decided to park myself on a bench and rest for a while, respond to some texts from friends, enjoy the sunshine, and watch people. Never tire of watching people; it is good therapy. After a while I popped into Selfridges for the loo, went to L'Occitane en Provence for a sniff of lavender to steady my nerves, and then met him for a quiet lunch.

Gosh, did I mention I miss his voice and that lovely accent already? And the way he says "lovely"? And how he is the perfect height and walks at just the right speed for me?

He is going to be a tough habit to break. I never said that about the others because they were not so intense, and frankly bear no comparison. In fact, the bar has been raised, which is something I thought impossible - having dated a posh, polished near-aristocrat and then having that knocked way out of place by a manly and cultured Southerner. Ha! Take that, English public schoolboys! Captain America was just what I needed [to put some hair on my chest, as he would say] and as I said before, he never judged me for being myself.

Obviously, I am not as sad as I was when I posted last Friday. Thank you all for your encouragement, by the way. Sure I will have my moments, but I think I will recover quicker [or more quickly ;) ] this time than I did 3 years ago. My old Texanisms may never go away now, hm? Oh, I've got the public schoolgirl accent for that Christies crowd anytime, but there is always a little unidentifiable twang that people can't quite figure out, developed when I was 12 and trying hard to lose my proper English accent.

As I said, America haunts me now. Everywhere I turn, she is there. I was going to launch into a diatribe about my building reasons for wanting to go back, but I won't offend you Brits or upset my local friends who read this blog. "You Brits", hehe, I have often noticed that I can disown both sides at will. Ah, but most of you know which side I stand up for every time...always have...

Instead, but still not so far off topic *rolls eyes* I want to share with you my most spectacular Freudian Slip to date, from Moody Minstrel's post about driving into the mountains of Japan for a musical weekend:

Pandabonium said...

Moody said, "forsake riding the bus in favor of driving up myself in my BLUE RAV4"

You can take the American out of the US, but you can't take the US out of some Americans. ;^)

Enjoy the music camp.

7:36 PM

Olivia said...

LOL @ Pandabonium

You can also take the English girl out of America but you can't take the American out of the English girl!

9:11 AM

...Followed immediately by my embarrassed retraction. But then I was rather proud of its greatness and decided not to delete it. :)
There, see? Light at the end of the tunnel. Pretty soon I'll be having you all engaged in witty banter once more.

Friday, August 03, 2007

The One I Will Remember

I suppose it's time for a new post. I can't wait until the day when I can share good news with you again, like how fantastic everything was in June, remember? *sigh*

I woke up this morning and said to my mother, "When will anything ever go right again?"


Have reached the end with American Boy. He is being sent away next week, and that is all I can say.

I am very sad as he was the best guy I ever dated, the only one to make me feel comfortable just being myself. The most attentive, the most affectionate, the cheekiest. And sooo cute. I will miss a lot about him, like his voice and that irresistible accent. He was the perfect height for me, and ever so fit, and ever so hottt.

We traversed so much of London together that it will take a long time before I can even look at most of the city without feeling shite. That always happens to me when a relationship ends, but this time it will be worse. Plus, listening to Muse already makes me blue because I introduced him to them.

Oh dear :'(

Am I glad I met him for the intense happiness, or sorry for the brevity of it? Both. I knew it would be shorter than I would have liked, but when you embark on something good, the end always looks further away than it really is. No, it wasn't perfect, but it was the best so far, and I have nothing bad to say.


I remember when I was badly dumped a couple of years ago by someone I had dated for a few months. I wrote something like, "Today I lost a lovely guy and cried a river."

I have bottled up so much stress over the past month - my gran, the move, the disasters, the expense, the growing pains, and now this...I can feel that the tears are near the surface, but they won't come so easily this time...and they need to, very much.


Yesterday as I was sitting in my room after my shower, feeling very sorry for myself, the phone rang. It was out of the blue, a fellow Brit I had met at university in Houston. We both returned to the UK around the same time, but she went on to Tanzania this year where she is working in banking, and is so much happier than she was here (of course). She said she has a knack for calling her friends when they need her, and indeed she made my day with her effusion of warmth and encouragement. She said she had encountered a girl at work with my voice and accent and she thought, "Gosh, I must call Livvy."


Let's see, there are things to look forward to, though I still feel sad as I type them:

-- a BBQ with my nutty friends, let's hope it's warmer out than the last one
--a trip to the seaside with the same friends before the end of summer, again hoping for good weather
-- also my fave fish n chips in Richmond with them, though huge sinking feeling as I consider that because it was my first whole day out with American Boy
-- the Aussie housemoving party at the end of the month, though why they don't wait for a housewarming one is beyond me
-- visiting friends of my father after they move into our old house, and getting some of the antiques which they have kept in storage for us since we first left the UK (!)
-- going to a dinner put on by my old schoolmate who lives round here
-- catching up with my housemates in St John's Wood
-- my goddaughter's christening in Toronto and seeing Denise in NYC
-- and whatever things happen in between