Friday, August 03, 2007

The One I Will Remember

I suppose it's time for a new post. I can't wait until the day when I can share good news with you again, like how fantastic everything was in June, remember? *sigh*

I woke up this morning and said to my mother, "When will anything ever go right again?"

***

Have reached the end with American Boy. He is being sent away next week, and that is all I can say.

I am very sad as he was the best guy I ever dated, the only one to make me feel comfortable just being myself. The most attentive, the most affectionate, the cheekiest. And sooo cute. I will miss a lot about him, like his voice and that irresistible accent. He was the perfect height for me, and ever so fit, and ever so hottt.

We traversed so much of London together that it will take a long time before I can even look at most of the city without feeling shite. That always happens to me when a relationship ends, but this time it will be worse. Plus, listening to Muse already makes me blue because I introduced him to them.

Oh dear :'(

Am I glad I met him for the intense happiness, or sorry for the brevity of it? Both. I knew it would be shorter than I would have liked, but when you embark on something good, the end always looks further away than it really is. No, it wasn't perfect, but it was the best so far, and I have nothing bad to say.

***

I remember when I was badly dumped a couple of years ago by someone I had dated for a few months. I wrote something like, "Today I lost a lovely guy and cried a river."

I have bottled up so much stress over the past month - my gran, the move, the disasters, the expense, the growing pains, and now this...I can feel that the tears are near the surface, but they won't come so easily this time...and they need to, very much.

***

Yesterday as I was sitting in my room after my shower, feeling very sorry for myself, the phone rang. It was out of the blue, a fellow Brit I had met at university in Houston. We both returned to the UK around the same time, but she went on to Tanzania this year where she is working in banking, and is so much happier than she was here (of course). She said she has a knack for calling her friends when they need her, and indeed she made my day with her effusion of warmth and encouragement. She said she had encountered a girl at work with my voice and accent and she thought, "Gosh, I must call Livvy."

***

Let's see, there are things to look forward to, though I still feel sad as I type them:

-- a BBQ with my nutty friends, let's hope it's warmer out than the last one
--a trip to the seaside with the same friends before the end of summer, again hoping for good weather
-- also my fave fish n chips in Richmond with them, though huge sinking feeling as I consider that because it was my first whole day out with American Boy
-- the Aussie housemoving party at the end of the month, though why they don't wait for a housewarming one is beyond me
-- visiting friends of my father after they move into our old house, and getting some of the antiques which they have kept in storage for us since we first left the UK (!)
-- going to a dinner put on by my old schoolmate who lives round here
-- catching up with my housemates in St John's Wood
-- my goddaughter's christening in Toronto and seeing Denise in NYC
-- and whatever things happen in between

21 comments:

nikkipolani said...

Oh dear. What a sad time it's been for you. I hope the new place will get better and some outings with friends will cheer you. HUGS, Liv.

Roxandra said...

Oh gosh Olivia! I am sorry. I had no idea it would actually have to end. :o( But I suppose long distance relationships are just too hard? I hope things will get better soon. Bon courage!

amillionpieces said...

Hey Liv, sorry to hear about it, I really am, but I think that you have some great stuff coming up there, I really think things will be better this month, hang in there and look on the positives. Noli illegitimi carborundum xx

lunaliar said...

Liv, I'm sorry it didn't work out with American Boy. You know life is about to turn the corner when things go from bad to worse, but I'll tell ya, I never thought the fog would lift after we started our move. You'll find things you love and you detest at any point in your life. I think the secret to living well, though, is to revel in the good. Before you know it you'll be flush again!

AmitL said...

Hi,Olivia...yes,indeedy,it was time for a new post..sad to read about AB.You do need some comforting,seeing the pace at which events have been taking place,but,believe me,(From my experience),it will happen,and sooner than you think.Such incidents have a tendency to reach a peak,and,then,suddenly,you find that everything's peaceful again,and,life returns to the daily routine.Then,again,a small tension creeps up...Life's never perfect.Till then,we're always there to cheer you up.:)Drop by my new url.http://amitsmusings.blogspot.com.
Have a nice weekend-just chill-listen to music,go walking,read,......

jojo said...

awwww

*huggles*

:)

hoverFrog said...

Oh dear. This is more sad news for you. Not good. You should have a smiley face :) not a sad face :(

When you say "He is being sent away next week" it makes it sound like he's being deported and you'll never hear from him again. The world is a small place and even if romance is out of the question then friendship surely isn't.

If there is anything you need (like a magic spell cast to cheer you up) let me know.

Olivia said...

Nikki - I like hugs, thank you :)
Even though AB and I haven't officially said goodbye yet, I've been preparing myself for a couple of weeks now, and I know, I just know, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, though even two days ago I felt there was not...

***

Rox - there really is no point to long distance relationships. I realise that now. How do you live on phonecalls and emails and not seeing someone? It's different with friends, or if it's a bf or gf on a business trip, but not worth it otherwise.

***

Pete - As I said to Nikki, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel...

***

Luna - hehe, I look forward to being flush again, and revelling is a great word. I want to do that again soon!

***

Amit - things have happened in my life, but I am not sure that SO many things came together at one time like this. I hope never again...

***

Jojo - huggles back!

***

Froggie - yes, keeping in touch is indeed the thing to do. It's funny though, I have been dumped in the past, but parting with someone is a totally different feeling. Meeting them in order to say goodbye. A first for me.

Olivia said...

P.S. Went to the London Zoo on Saturday, by the way. It was a great escape from depression and people and other things!

Animals, always good therapy.

Olivia said...

Nikki - I like hugs, thank you :)
Even though AB and I haven't officially said goodbye yet, I've been preparing myself for a couple of weeks now, and I know, I just know, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, though even two days ago I felt there was not...

***

Rox - there really is no point to long distance relationships. I realise that now.

***

Pete - As I said to Nikki, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel...

***

Luna - hehe, I look forward to being flush again, and revelling is a great word. I want to do that again soon!

***

Amit - things have happened in my life, but I am not sure that SO many things came together at one time like this. I hope never again...

***

Jojo - huggles back!

***

Froggie - yes, keeping in touch is indeed the thing to do. It's funny though, I have been dumped in the past, but parting with someone is a totally different feeling. Meeting them in order to say goodbye. A first for me.

MattJ said...

Lo Liv! Sucks about Mr American Man! I won't go into what has already been said by others with greater eloquence than i could manage, suffice to say I echo their feelings. Luckily, in the words of Oscar Wilde 'You RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWK!' so you'll be fine and the light at the end of the tunnel will be just as bright and shiny as we all know you to be.

I'm totally out of nice now. Seriously, I'm spent.

ML said...

I'm so sorry! :( I really hope things start look up for you soon!

Mikeachim said...

New memories. Absolutely tons of them. Places you've always wanted to go but never have. Places you went when you were a kid and have never been back until now. New new new.
....
It may soothe the sting of it all.

You have my thoughts. Hope the sun comes out for you again soon.....

Selba said...

Oh noooo... so sorry to hear about your relationship with the american boy... Don't worry dear, there're a lot of fish in the ocean!

*BIG HUGS*

Um Naief said...

life... sometimes it seems like one rotten apple after another. so many times, i even bite into a worm! ;)

eeekkk

i only can imagine the sadness you must feel. but you know... you have many things happening in your life, and it was obviously meant for you to take another path in life. i do feel for your sadness and wish i could wave a wand and make it vanish.... not w/out the sparkles though... like on disney!

watch a good, sad movie... that'll help w/ the tears. i recommend The Joy Luck Club. have you seen it? i love this movie and w/ every time, i cry too much.

Um Naief said...

naief whispered and told me to send you a sweet baby kiss just from him.

The Moody Minstrel said...

Oh, no....

I wish I would've read this before responding to your last comment on my blog. Now I feel like a heel. Sorry about that.

I'm the wrong person to try to offer words of encouragement for this sort of thing. All I can say is don't forget there are still flowers blooming.

panda_eyed said...

Hello sweetpea, I am caught up on your blogs now!

Nice to see you're keeping busy during this time. When you say 'nutty friends', did you mean the 5 of us..? I've never thought of myself as nutty before.. :)

Hope you're keeping the cheery threshold to where it was when I spoke to you yesterday.. I shall tickle you when I see you otherwise. :) Chin up sweetie - many *hugs* xxxxxxxxxxx

Olivia said...

Matt - ooh, thanks for all the nice. I know it took a lot out of you to do that.

That is what Oscar Wilde would have said if he had been in "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure". Another thing I need to do and to quote the movie and Beethove is, "Party on, duuuude!"

***

ML - thank you. I hope so too.

***

Mike - you're right. Too many memories in London, even today. Hey, why don't we get Katja and the rest to agree to a Betty's blinks?

***

Selba - eeeh...he set the standard rather high, you know...

***

Um Naief - thank you so much for the magic and sparkles. Again you make me smile :)

I have seen Joy Luck Club, but it doesn't get me quite as much. I think I know the scenes you're talking about...I will have to keep trying!

Awwww, Naief! Kiss him on his chubby cheeks for me! xx

***

Minstrel - don't worry. I am now rather proud of my Freudian slip, it's quite spectacular.

I wonder how many people wonder what we're on about? :P

***

Pandy - yes, the 5 nutters are us. Not individually, but collectively, you have to agree that we are nutty!

No, the cheery threshold was only up around the time I spoke with you. So you will just have to tickle me when I see you next.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

jia said...

someone needs hugs! Jia gives u a big hug.

I know how to feel babe, I just dumped a friend of mine cause he was being a donkey's behind, kinda sad about it because we hung out alot, but I felt our friendship needed to end, I didn't like his racist humor at all

Jessica said...

I love reading stranger's memes. Cool answers. Cute blog!