Wednesday, August 08, 2007

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

Hello dear readers,

Still feeling a bit down. Fed up of being fed up, etc. Still need to cry out the past month's stress and disappointment, but still oddly detached from it all.

Had an informal chat with my new consultant at one of my best agencies this morning. Bright and early at 9am. It took me nearly an hour and a half to get to Sloane Square from Harrow on the Hill. I spent so long in the train I felt a bit sick...that's a new one. I now dread daily commutes from here. Every creak and lurch of that damn Metropolitan line, and the way it lurks and hides in dark tunnels, and stops in the middle of nowhere for minutes on end...ugh.

So, 75 minutes en route for a 15 minute conversation, which fortunately looks like it will bear fruit, as she had some good permanent positions in mind. Plus after lunch, another called to reserve me for a company that asked for me specifically. Took a bit of reminding, but I remember who they are! How flattering. It's the insurance company where I was handing them back the completed work five minutes before they gave it to me.

So I had two hours to kill before my last lunch with American Boy. I walked slooooowly up Sloane Street, up Knightsbridge to Hyde Park Corner, then along Park Lane, shunning the memory of walking with him there on a couple of warm June evenings; from there down a side street, I was following my nose and ended up, ironically, on Grosvenor Square (America haunts me!). So, I decided to park myself on a bench and rest for a while, respond to some texts from friends, enjoy the sunshine, and watch people. Never tire of watching people; it is good therapy. After a while I popped into Selfridges for the loo, went to L'Occitane en Provence for a sniff of lavender to steady my nerves, and then met him for a quiet lunch.

Gosh, did I mention I miss his voice and that lovely accent already? And the way he says "lovely"? And how he is the perfect height and walks at just the right speed for me?

He is going to be a tough habit to break. I never said that about the others because they were not so intense, and frankly bear no comparison. In fact, the bar has been raised, which is something I thought impossible - having dated a posh, polished near-aristocrat and then having that knocked way out of place by a manly and cultured Southerner. Ha! Take that, English public schoolboys! Captain America was just what I needed [to put some hair on my chest, as he would say] and as I said before, he never judged me for being myself.

Obviously, I am not as sad as I was when I posted last Friday. Thank you all for your encouragement, by the way. Sure I will have my moments, but I think I will recover quicker [or more quickly ;) ] this time than I did 3 years ago. My old Texanisms may never go away now, hm? Oh, I've got the public schoolgirl accent for that Christies crowd anytime, but there is always a little unidentifiable twang that people can't quite figure out, developed when I was 12 and trying hard to lose my proper English accent.

As I said, America haunts me now. Everywhere I turn, she is there. I was going to launch into a diatribe about my building reasons for wanting to go back, but I won't offend you Brits or upset my local friends who read this blog. "You Brits", hehe, I have often noticed that I can disown both sides at will. Ah, but most of you know which side I stand up for every time...always have...

Instead, but still not so far off topic *rolls eyes* I want to share with you my most spectacular Freudian Slip to date, from Moody Minstrel's post about driving into the mountains of Japan for a musical weekend:

Pandabonium said...

Moody said, "forsake riding the bus in favor of driving up myself in my BLUE RAV4"

You can take the American out of the US, but you can't take the US out of some Americans. ;^)

Enjoy the music camp.

7:36 PM

Olivia said...

LOL @ Pandabonium

You can also take the English girl out of America but you can't take the American out of the English girl!

9:11 AM

...Followed immediately by my embarrassed retraction. But then I was rather proud of its greatness and decided not to delete it. :)
There, see? Light at the end of the tunnel. Pretty soon I'll be having you all engaged in witty banter once more.


Selba said...

Good to know that there's a light at the end of the tunnel :)


The Moody Minstrel said...

If there isn't a light, then you have to wonder which direction the tunnel is going, up or down!

Cheers, m'lady!

pink jellybaby said...

i do hope things get better for you quickly... but like you say, you seem to be getting there and you still have that was of describing things that makes me feel like i walk around with my eyes closed!

hoverFrog said...

Embarrassing retraction indeed.

Olivia said...

Selba - yes it is :) *hug*


Minstrel - yes, as then there could be a lot further down to go!


Pink - hey, good to see you. It's funny, I am usually intrigued by the way you describe things.


Frog - don't tell me, is that another Freudian slip??? Oh dear.

amillionpieces said...

I think that you're on the up, Arty, give a little time and you'll be chirpy as ever :) And if you want to go back, you should look into it!

Jahooni said...

What type of business are you in? May I ask????

Time will do wonders...

Still no picture of me, I have no idea what happened to it. :-(

Olivia said...

Pete - seems like fate decrees it...


Jahooni - I studied art history. I'm not really in a field yet, as ALL I have been able to do since graduating is stupid temping temping temping! :'(

I think your piccie won't show because it is hosted on Hashim's site which is down.

nikkipolani said...

Light and more light :-)

Beenzzz said...

I'm glad you didn't retract that! ;)
I hope everything starts looking brighter for you soon.

AmitL said...

Hi,Olivia-hey,grt to see u're coming back to your cheerful self..good luck at the new Consultant's..keep us updated.Looking forward to the witty banter,as always.Cheers.

Fabulous said...

There is always a light. It may see4m really small but once you step into it it is blinding. Things can only get better. xxx

Cataclismical said...

The sun shines out of my bunny's backside! lol

Olivia said...

Nikki - light is good. It's sunny inLondon this weekend, thank God - otherwise we'd feel worse.


Beenzzz - cheeky :)


Amit - unfortunately I had to turn down a temp booking at a company I had enjoyed working for earlier this year, as it took me an hour to get there from where I lived before. The money there is not worth a two-hour trip.


Fabulous - yes, I can still see it some way off, but it's there... xxx


Cataclismical - thanks for popping by. Hehe, you are absolutely right. I had 4 bunnies and their fluffy bums were glorious :P

amillionpieces said...

Well, it wouldn't do to argue with fate. For the record though, I'm not trying to make you leave the country :| x

Dan said...

Olivia, there's not much more I can say beyond our chat (thanks for that!) except to give you a million more virtual hugs. Hang in there my very sweet pal. You never know what's around the corner. :)


shlemazl said...

Why do I get that weird feeling that you haven't actually slept with the American boy?

If so, why not? All you have to do is to say that

a) you are cold
b) he has such strong hands
c) can you see his room

Heck, girls seem to have 10000000 tricks to make men think that they seduced a girl.

Olivia said...

Pete - i am though xx


Dan - thanks for your encouragement. I want to see what is around the corner. Oh where is that corner??


Shlemazl - why would you assume that? I leave you to your opinion although I would love to correct you outright.

ML said...

I'm a huge fan of the light at the end of the tunnel. Glad you saw it :)

shlemazl said...

Ok; Ok... Just testing :)

Um Naief said...

olivia, do "the brits" hate us americans? i wonder that a lot. they are always so rude to me when i'm there. but hey, even the russians are rude in the UK... but they're rude here too. ;)

i'm reading this blog last. i will agree w/ willj in another comment on another post... i've sorta seen this coming... some while back. i thought you had changed your mind, but i'm really happy that you've decided to travel into unknown magical territory!

may her fairy princess be with you...

btw... will anyone be close when you go there? i so hope ....