Monday, December 24, 2007

Merry Christmas y'all

Have a Merry Christmas everyone, whatever you choose to do. (We are packing boxes, but we will roast a duck and have pancakes in the morning.)

Not sure when next I will be able to blog.
Very stressful. Not least because someone stole the deposit and first month's rent on a flat we wanted, so feeling the strain...Wish us well in finding a new home before 7 January...one that we won't want to leave for a long long time.

Meantime, put on your best Cajun accent and enjoy the 12 Days of Crissmus in de Bayou.

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Day 1: Dear Boudreaux, Thanks for de bird in de Pear tree. I fix it las' night wit dirty rice. I doan tink de pear tree will grow in de swamp, so I swap it for a Satsuma.

Day 2: Dear Boudreaux, You letter say you sent two turtle doves, but all I got was two scrawny pigeons. Anyway, I mixed dem with andouille an made some gumbo out of dem.

Day 3: Dear Boudreaux, Why doan you sent some crawfish? I'm tired of eating dem darn birds. I gave two of dose prissy French chickens to Marie Trahan over at Grans Bayou an fed the tird one to my dog Phideaux. Marie needed some sparring partners for her fightin' rooster.

Day 4: Dear Boudreaux, Mon Dieux! I tol' you no more friggin birds. Deez four, what you call dem "calling birds" were so noisy you could hear dem all de way to Napoleonville. I used dere necks for my crab traps, an fed de rest of dem to de gators.

Day 5: Dear Boudreaux, You finally sen' somethin useful. I like dem golden rings, me. I hocked dem at da pawn shop in Thibodeaux and got enuf money to fix da shaft on my shrimp boat an buy a round for da boys at de Raisin' Cane Lounge. Merci Beaucoup!

Day 6: Dear Boudreaux, Cochon! Back to da birds, you coonass turkey! Poor egg suckin' Phideaux is scared to death at dem six gaeases. He tried to eat dems eggs and dey peck de heck out ah his snout. Dey good at eating cockroaches, dough. I may stuff one of dem wit oysta dressin on Christmas day.

Day 7: Dear Boudreaux, I'm gonna wring yo fool neck next time I see you. Thibeau, da mailman, is ready to kill ya. The merde from all dem birds is stinkin' up his mailboat. He afraid someone will slip on dat stuff and sue him good. I let those seven swans loose to swim on de bayou and some duck hunters from Mississippi blasted dem out of de water. Talk to you tomorrow.

Day 8: Dear Boudreaux, Poor ole Thibeau, he had to make tree trips on his mailboat to deliver dem 8 maids a milkin and dair cows. One of dem cows got spooked by da alligators and almost tipped over da boat. I doan like dem shiftless maids, me no. I tolt dem to get to work guttin fish and sweepin the shack but dey say it wasn't in dair contract. Dey probably tink dey too good ta skin da nutrias I caught las night.

Day 9: Dear Boudreaux, What you trying to do huh? Thibeau had to borrow the Lutcher ferry to carry dem jumpin twits you call Lords-a-Leaping across da bayou. As soon as dey gots here dey wanted a tea break with crumpets. I doan know what dat means but I says, "Well La Di Da. You get Chicory coffee or nuttin." Mon Dieu, Emile. What I'm gonna feed all dese bozos? Dey too snooty for fried nutria, and de cows done eat my turnip greens.

Day 10: Dear Boudreaux, You got to be outs you mind! If de mailman don't kill you, I will fo sho. Today he deliver 10 half nekkid floozies from Bourbon Street. Dey said dey be "Ladies Dancin" but dey doan act like ladies in front of dose Limey twits. Dey almos left after one of dem got bit by a water moccasin over by da out-house. I had to butcher 2 cows to feed toute le monde an had to get toilet paper; The Sears catalog wasn't good enuf fo dose hoity toity Lords' royal behin.

Day 11: Dear Boudreaux, where y'at? Cheerio an pip pip. You 11 pipers piping arrives today from da House of Blues, second lining as dey got off de boat. We fixed snuffed goose and beef jambalaya, finished da whiskey and we havin a fais-do-do. Da new mailman he drink a bottle of Jack Daniel an he's having a good time yeah, dancing with de floozies. Thibeau, he jump off de Sunshine Bridge yesterday, screaming yo name. If you get a mysterious, ticking package in de mail, doan open it.

Day 12: Dear Boudreaux, I sho am sorry to tell ya but I not yer true love anymo, no. After da fais-do-do, I spent de night with Jacque, de head piper. We decide to open a restaurant and gentleman's club on de bayou. The floozies, pardon me, Ladies dancin can make $20 for a table dance, and de Lords can be waiters an valet park de boats. Since de maids doan have no more cows ta milk, I trained dem ta set my crab traps, watch my trotlines, an run my shrimpin business. We probably gonna gross a million clams nex year.

3 comments:

L B said...

Oh dear, sorry to hear about your money being stolen! That is not nice at all.. Hope things work out for you.. And as for that fella, Boudreaux, he's gonna get it, eh?!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS, OLIVIA & MOM..

Flighty said...

Thanks, and you too! Take care xx

The Moody Minstrel said...

Good grief (if there ever were such a thing)! This isn't really shaping up to be a very merry Christmas, is it, m'lady? I'm sorry to hear about the money for the flat! That could make anyone start shouting, "Bah! Humbug!" Please keep your chin up and don't lose your holiday spirit!