Saturday, March 29, 2008

Plan A

TO DO:

Next week I plan to do a list of actresses to match my Hot List of actors. My problem is when I see an attractive girl on screen I say so, but can't look her up on IMDB because I don't know her name. I'm working on it, though.

For Planethalder, I will also do a hot list of vintage Hollywood hunks, and that's much easier since their names are legendary.

**********

UPDATE:

But for now, here's the situation. After a very dark emotional crisis over the long Easter weekend, I have decided to accelerate my move back to the US to the end of May. It's when I was originally planning to go, before I agreed to stay in this temp role until August. I thought I could make it but I can't. The next few months I liken to an aircraft stuck in a holding pattern before landing. Why hang around wasting fuel?

It's every little thing that has happened and piled up since last year. Added to that the fact that I've felt deep down for a couple of years that the time for departure was approaching. I need to change things now, before the major part of yet another year passes in stagnation.

Since making my decision, my mood has improved so much, my spirit feels lighter, and I feel less angry and stressed inside. Things about life here that would normally have me snapping or grumbling, I can now let go with little more than a shake of the head, because I can see the end of it. You should have seen me chatting, smiling and joking around at work yesterday. It was approaching my old self. It makes me sad that although my colleagues there like me, they have no idea. Except for one of the directors, who is always fun on the phone when he calls and gets redirected to me. Yesterday I returned as good as I got and he commented with delight that this must be the real Olivia, not the usual cool and professional one.

I want to recapture the strong, outgoing, resourceful, independent person I used to be before what I am now becomes permanent. I probably need a period of "rehabilitation".

I know that it won't be a bed of roses, or paradise. It might not even be the solution to my situation, but the odds are greater that things will be better. Because the bottom line is, the things I want, the life I aspire to lead, the lifestyle I need for my general well-being, are not here.

So that's that. I am going home.

19 comments:

pete said...

Glad to here you've brought forward your date, Arty, I think it sounds like it's for the best, you prefer it there and will hopefully be much happier. Have you decided for sure where your moving, is it Houston?

And if you need any help naming actresses, you know where I'm at! ;)

L B said...

Isn't that a nice feeling? When the life-changing decision is made, and you can get on with the nice things in life, rather than dwell on being bitter. :-)
Looking forward to your Hot Actresses List..

Katja said...

Yay! Good on you, Liv. Poor Helen - between you, me and C we keep dropping her in it! Still, that's the wonder of being a temp - being able to live life as *you* want to live it, rather than being a slave to the wage.

The Moody Minstrel said...

After reading what you have said, I really have to wonder whether the problems you've been having are a typical part of life in London. Maybe there's a reason why London is often called the rudest city in Europe (if not the world)...and you seem to be very close to finding it!

Why hate life when you can change it?

Mark said...

Yes, if you know where you feel comfortable, you should move heaven and earth to be there; especially if you know you can earn your living there. I'm trapped now in a place I detest (what makes it bad is there are 4 different places I've lived where I had a far better life) yet I have no means to move away (as my work is very irregular). Looks like I'll end up dying in a place I've always hated. Make the most of your time on this planet, especially while you're still young.

Planethalder said...

Moody Minstrel, not everyone experiences London so negatively, but I applaud anyone who realises they cannot live in a certain situation and then moves on. Too many people stay stuck. Bravo O - what a decision! Can't wait to follow you on your new journey via this blog.

Selba said...

Glad for you that you are out of the very dark emotional crisis.

I've been in your shoes before and I know how it feels.

Wish you the best, Livie *hugs*

MorenaTejana said...

I'm sooooo glad you're coming back to the states!!!! I promise not to give you a hard time haha!!

AmitL said...

Hi,Olivia-grt to read that you've taken a 'happy decision'..yes,even I feel so light-hearted when I take a decision which has been lingering in my mind since ages,and,it turns out to be the right one.:)Good luck at moving quickly back to the US.

And,a big smile at the director who commented'This must be the real Olivia'.Good going.

Palm Springs Savant said...

Wow, that's a major change. And WHAT will you call this blog then??

Jo said...

Liv,

I wish I could say I understand, but it seems like the season for crises. I so hope you're alright for as long as you must stay in London. If you are coming back to Texas, well, I'll be the first to tell you that the door is always open.

-Jo

The Moody Minstrel said...

To Planethalder:
not everyone experiences London so negatively

Yes, you're right. I loved London when I was there...but that was for my honeymoon, and I was only there for about a week. I would like to go back, though. I realize that visiting a place is different from living there. Also, there are good and bad things to find just about anywhere you go. It just seems that London has been getting a bad rap lately, particularly from Olivia, and I have to wonder if there's a general reason for it.

Still, my comment was meant to be tongue-in-cheek, and apologize if there was any offense.

Olivia said...

Pete - indeed, I have been in denial for too long. Houston would be nice but I do need to try other places. I want to visit there for a while in October or so and see how I feel. By which time I will have been in NYC long enough to decide on yea or nay, also.

I'd be awful asking about the actresses: "Hey Pete, who's the one with brown hair and big eyes who was in that movie where there was a fire in a hospital, and she cried a lot...?"

***

LB - Yes, I have the choice, so I will take it with gusto.

I added an actress to the list about two minutes ago!

***

Kate - I was going to ask you who C is, but you're not here! I don't plan on being a temp for much longer, though I will probably use it there to tide me over.

***

Minstrel - I do seem to have got stuck on the worst aspects - and honestly you ought to hear the natives' daily rants - admittedly I had the energy to look past the faults when I first came back, an advantage I was well aware would not last forever.

As for Planethalder, a woman of fine and eclectic tastes, has managed to attain a little corner of paradise for herself, hubby and unborn child in this city, and I admire her for that.

***

Mark - I am so sorry that you are stuck in a place that does not make you happy. I hope you manage to find something each day to keep you somewhat content, though.

***

Planethalder - see my response to Minstrel above. Ooh, what shall I call it??? I can't wait to take you all along with me!

***

Selby - thank you, and yes I remember some of the times you've been there too.

*hugs*

***

Memo - you will never stop giving me a hard time, it all comes with the territory, so I bear my lot with a cheerful smile ;)

So when I am in Houston, should I make a detour to Austin too?

***

Amit - someone said sometimes logic and sensibility don't do it, you have to follow your instincts.

***

Palm Springs - sometime last year I did make a list and blogged it, so will have to go read it myself!

***

Jo - not quite sure I understand your first sentence. But yes I will be fine for the next couple of months until departure. It's not so long to hang on now!

And as I said above, I want to make a trip to my old hometown in October :) Will you be there? I wonder if Matt is still planning to go too.

***

Minstrel - yes, it is a pretty deep reason. And now I finally understand (as an adult) why my parents were willing to emigrate in 1989. Even then it was my idea...!

MattJ said...

Oh hey! This could help me an awful lot, my friends are constantly drooling over hollywood man meat, I find it very difficult to do the same for actresses whcih leads to accusations of a lack of imagination when really it's just a case of pessimsitically 'knowing' thaty I would probably hate them if I ever met them lol! maybe I will take a liking to your choices!

As for the move decision adn the resulting return to Livviness, i am defintitely familiar with this feeling. I might blog about it too later rather than essay write in your comment box. Suffice to say the feeling that you are at least TRYING to do something about your situation is a massive tonic for any soul. When you feel trapped, its often down to you psycologically trapping yourself - setting defintie plans and dates in motion shatters that illusion. Otr at least that's the way I tend to work - I cons.... actually i am already doin it aren't I?! OK I'll save it for my own and stop hijacking you! lol!

Well done and good luck!

Jo said...

Liv! So sorry to confuse you! I said that I wished I could understand precisely what you're going through, but I can only relate to the aspect of a personal crisis with my own, and I sympathize.

I am gld though that you're moving to NYC! I'll be in Manhattan in September!

MorenaTejana said...

Yes, you should make a detour to Austin! Sorry I can be so difficult at times :(. BTW, you should add actresses of various ethnicities...well if you want. :) There is a multi-colorful world out there! :D

nikkipolani said...

It's terrific to be able to put behind you the difficult decision. Of course, now there's a zillion things to do to get ready! How long will you get in NYC?

Guyana-Gyal said...

Hmmm, this made me think about my life, the times I was in bad relationships and didn't move on, then did, and felt on top of the world. Now here I am, trying to make my dreams real, but nothing is 100% what I want it to be, but we have to keep on working towards it, eh?

Anonymous said...

Ah, I see now. You know, Olivia, I too, live with one foot in one culture/place and the other somewhere else. When I am in Hawai'i I miss Rome, when I am in Rome I miss Hawai'i. I will never be happy, unless perhaps I marry a rich man who likes to travel! I am working on it, darling. *grins*

Alohalani