Next week I plan to do a list of actresses to match my Hot List of actors. My problem is when I see an attractive girl on screen I say so, but can't look her up on IMDB because I don't know her name. I'm working on it, though.
For Planethalder, I will also do a hot list of vintage Hollywood hunks, and that's much easier since their names are legendary.
But for now, here's the situation. After a very dark emotional crisis over the long Easter weekend, I have decided to accelerate my move back to the US to the end of May. It's when I was originally planning to go, before I agreed to stay in this temp role until August. I thought I could make it but I can't. The next few months I liken to an aircraft stuck in a holding pattern before landing. Why hang around wasting fuel?
It's every little thing that has happened and piled up since last year. Added to that the fact that I've felt deep down for a couple of years that the time for departure was approaching. I need to change things now, before the major part of yet another year passes in stagnation.
Since making my decision, my mood has improved so much, my spirit feels lighter, and I feel less angry and stressed inside. Things about life here that would normally have me snapping or grumbling, I can now let go with little more than a shake of the head, because I can see the end of it. You should have seen me chatting, smiling and joking around at work yesterday. It was approaching my old self. It makes me sad that although my colleagues there like me, they have no idea. Except for one of the directors, who is always fun on the phone when he calls and gets redirected to me. Yesterday I returned as good as I got and he commented with delight that this must be the real Olivia, not the usual cool and professional one.
I want to recapture the strong, outgoing, resourceful, independent person I used to be before what I am now becomes permanent. I probably need a period of "rehabilitation".
I know that it won't be a bed of roses, or paradise. It might not even be the solution to my situation, but the odds are greater that things will be better. Because the bottom line is, the things I want, the life I aspire to lead, the lifestyle I need for my general well-being, are not here.
So that's that. I am going home.