Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Signs

One minute ago I thought of a great blog, and in the seconds it took the page to load, I changed channels on the TV, thereby providing the necessary retroactive interference for my brain.



Meaning, I forgot the bally blog.



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After Katja expressed an interest in the underwater lake from my last blog, I decided to do a bit more digging online. Not much apart from some student reports on, surprise surprise, NOAA (National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration) - great acronym, isn't it...say it out loud and you will see why.

On one search, my Deep sea blog was 5th on the list, so that says a lot about how much you can find on the briny lake in the Gulf of Mexico.





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Sorry to say that this week I have been having thoughts at work like, "Whew, only two weeks left." I will still find out if there is a position available there, as one discouragement might be the temp limbo I am in.

It might be nice to be properly accepted somewhere. Today I felt even more dissatisfied when the young grad who started a couple of weeks ago was installed in the newly furnished desk behind me, and today her business cards arrived.



I admit, I felt a twinge of envy. It started when the company secretary delivered them to her desk, she said, "Yay!", and he said "You're official now." It was when he said that.

Here she is, looking barely 23 and she's got business cards. Then there's me, barely 5 months away from turning 30 with no career, no man, none of the children I thought I'd have, still unfulfilled and faffing about like a fool.



I'm tired of being a late developer. Watching me grow up, my mother always said, "Born early, develop late" but this is ridiculous...



Sorry. I know you will all tell me off for not counting my blessings. I've really appreciated this job and even enjoyed it at times, but...you know...



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It has been a day full of signs, along with the discontent. One of the temps came by my desk without a word and glided away, having deposited on my desk a small cutout of an arts job in The Times. It set my heart racing, let me tell you. I have been updating my CV in preparation for applying. Wish me all the best that you possibly can.



Second sign, one of the senior partners was holding a beautiful publication in her hands as she chatted with my boss. I thought it was the catalogue from the current Holbein exhibition at the Tate Gallery, but she said it was actually a company report from the sole sponsor. Sumptuous covers and flaps entirely filled with portraits of Henry VIII and Jane Seymour. Rich reds, gold embroidery, crisp lace. To my rusty art eyes, it was like an electric shock. I was transfixed. I didn't hear what she was saying as she was explaining to me how touchable the painted fur stoles looked...



I didn't even tell her I had an art history degree. I just stood there gaping.



Third sign was the film I watched after dinner: Le Divorce (a Merchant Ivory production would you believe?) about a wealthy Frenchman divorcing his wife while pregnant with their 3rd child. (Main story: His playboy uncle has an affair with the wife's sister and buys her a stunning red Hermes Kelly bag.)

The wife's family wanted to sell the heirloom they believed was a Latour. The Louvre was not interested in a painting that came out of an American attic. They very Frenchly stuck their noses up at it. Stephen Fry turned up as the Christie's specialist. They verified its provenance and sold it for €3 million in a Paris auction. The museum bid hard and bought it. haha.



Three things - surely not coincidences.







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16 comments:

Jia Li said...

u need hugs, many hugs.

and will it help that ur xmas gift is on its way

Jia Li said...

http://us.cyworld.com/jiali


for pics of school

merserene said...

Then there's me, barely 5 months away from turning 30 with no career, no man, none of the children I thought I'd have, still unfulfilled and faffing about like a fool.

Girl, don't look at it that way! You might as well be describing me, then. :D Think: You're still young, pretty, available, unfettered by children, with the freedom to party all night if you want, and simply exploring your options until the right job/man/whatever comes along. Plus, you're living in London!

Olivia at Work said...

Jia - thanks chica. did you see my comment about the parcels?

***

Mers - i thought you had Mr R!
and that's the thing, i don't even get any options to explore.
Hie me to a nunnery...

Anonymous said...

Yanno Liv, I never thot I'd get married, ever. Then it just blindsided me. WHAMMY!!! I was in a blues bar on Greenville and so was Dave, the rest is, as they say, history.

I'm not trying to rub it in, but let me tell you this: What you've got right now is really enviable. You live in London, ostensibly the cultural heart of the world, and you're single, gorgeous, and have so many friends. We can't blame you for wanting more, but fate works in mysterious ways.

Remember this: Whatever happens was meant to happen, only because it wouldn't be this life you'd be living. Just embrace it, Liv!

Anonymous said...

I was born a week late and was still a late bloomer! Didn't get married until I was 37 and never regretted it for a moment. Enjoy your freedom. The other stuff will come with time and you will be properly prepared :-)

Anonymous said...

yes, I did

and I am bored de bored bory bordy bordy
BORED! at school......

2 hour lunch sucks ass

j at school

Katja said...

The signs sound good - I am crossing my fingers that they mean exciting things. xx

pandy said...

I already commented on you p27 but ooh you put the bunny pic up! Cute!

Guyana-Gyal said...

Definitely not coincidences. I think we're given signs along the way.

I don't know about this 'achieving' by a certain age. I wonder who told us we have to have everything by age 20-something? Maybe the reality is 40-something, 50-something? I dunno.

Those who achieve too soon...do they burn out, by the way?

I've been going through this need for changes too...I need to work on my 'goals and tasks' lists...my map.

And by the way, you look like 22!

Olivia said...

Jia Li! I went to cyworld. Another site! I think you've used up half the internet by now...!

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Luna...wow.

Question: Why is being single supposed to be so great?

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ML - people have been telling me that for years! But when I was 19 I thought I had all the time in the world, and then a decade passed...

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JL - well, I am glad you decided to visit my page while you were bored, but sorry you are bored at school!

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Katja - thanks. see you tomorrow I hope! xxx

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Pandy - hey haven't seen you round here in ages. How DO you decide which blog to comment on?

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GG - it is well known that today's young people reach major life milestones much later than their parents do.
No one ever pressured me, but since I started worrying, my mother is too.

Or what about the people who don't burn out and are living their lives on an even keel by my age? In a relationship with somewhere to live and a decent job. That's all I ask.

***

Comment to all:

Earlier this year my best friend was talking about our 7 year cycles, and the 29th year being the end of one of them. You go through a lot of personal turbulence and existential moments in preparating to emerge into 30.

Any thoughts?

Jia Li said...

2 hour lunches blah

did u like my pics???

The Moody Minstrel said...

I think your friend is absolutely right about the seven year cycle thing. I can definitely see that.

You're on a path, girl. Forward march!

Leilouta said...

”Question: Why is being single supposed to be so great?”

Because you’re free to date, there is the excitement of the unkown etc…:)
I myself don’t like to be single though, and had a horrible time when I was.You don’t need a man to be happy though. After her divorce, my mom was very happy and enjoyed her life to the fullest. One of my male friends once asked me,” When is your mom going to get married again?”
His question shocked me. I couldn’t understand why he assumed she had to get married again. I had never seen her happier as she was after the divorce :)

Guyana-Gyal said...

In some countries, women are supposed to be married, with children and pregnant by age 22.

Maybe, with liberation, we each of us can set out own personal 'cycles'.

That's all theory.

The emotions still get in the way.

Sometimes I get so upset that I haven't done everything I've planned. That's why I need to sit and work on my list again...I do this when I feel I'm in a rut.

The thing is to stay cool while planning...or the disappointments can bog you down.

Anonymous said...

A little off topic, Guys... I have a question. Two days ago I saw this site:
[url=http://www.rivalspot.com]Rivalspot.com - Playstation tournaments[/url]
They say you can play online NCAA Basketball game tournaments on any console for cash... had anyone tried that before? Looks like a cool idea...
Are there any other sites where you can play sports games for real moneys? I Googled and found only Bringit.com and Worldgaming.com but it looks these guys don't specialize in sport gamez. Any suggestions?